Life is like that

I have noticed a change in the last couple of years, probably due to the fact that there are now many more of us Ex-pats in the area now. That change is the malicious gossip that seems to have increased beyond normal. We all love to gossip, the tabloids sell millions of papers on the back of gossip. Up until recently it was just harmless general gossip. Now I am afraid it is reaching a bit of a nasty stage. A doesn't like B so C doesn't like them either, so out comes some malicious gossip to reinforce the dislike of B to give it some substance rather than just a general dislike. I am sure that I am not liked by everyone, it's not possible to be liked by everyone. That's human nature. There will be something you don't like about someone, their accent, dress, attitude, way of life, etc. there's nothing wrong with that. You can still be pleasant though, say hello in passing or just a smile even. You don't have to socialise with them if you don't want to and no-one is going to make you. you wouldn't do it in the UK so why would you do it here?. But what is not nice is to get told some salicious/damaging gossip, then pass it on as true, without verification. Like chinese whispers, that kind of gossip gets changed in the telling and then people get hurt feelings and feel sad, that tarnishes their enjoyment of the dream they have of the Spanish way of life. I fully admit that I am not blameless in this matter, but that was my own stupid fault and I'm going to try to ignore that kind of gossip from now on, because I understand how much damage can be done. I know it is trite, but we are here a short time, most of us here are "getting on a bit" and have come to Spain to increase our enjoyment of life. So next time someone passes on some malicious or denegrating gossip, have a think before accepting it and question the motives of the person passing it on. Don't let the few spoil it for the many. So peace be with you, enjoy yourselves and lets all have a bit of tolerance. Including me.

Well said

Yep well said, some people here thrive on it thats so sad! hence i prefer my animals!

Couldn't agree more. Trouble is, the ex-pat community gets a bit distorted, as everyone knows (or think they know) everyone else, which wouldn't be the case in the UK, where we wouldn't be in a local minority. That has its advantages, too - I for one treasure the good friendships I've made up here. But there's certainly more malicious rumour-mongering now than there was 6 years ago and, frankly, some people behave like a bunch of spiteful kids in a playground. I'm really glad I don't live in the centre of anywhere, but out in the sticks, so I can choose whether or not to dip in to village life!

And it isnt just the ex-pats that gossip - the Spanish are just as bad!!!!

Well said everyone. I learned to my cost how malicious people can be and for a while felt it best to avoid most people but have now realised there are some good people out there and it is only a few who try to stir up trouble and I sometimes think it is down to a bit of jealousy and perhaps too much time on their hands! As gobiker said nothing wrong with being polite to all saying hello but don't listen or participate in all you hear especially when you don't know the person concerned. This is a fabulous part of the world to live with some fantastic places to visit, beautiful scenery and some lovely people. Each day I remind myself how lucky I am to have been given the opportunity to live here and like others am learning to ignore and not comment on gossip!

I have upset people by saying "sorry I don't want to know, thank you".

It is really great seeing the response when you say this.

A few weeks later the same person tried engaging me once again with some inane gossip about someone I didn't even know... they remembered my previous retort and stopped short. My tactics work it seems.

Careless talk can hurt. Simple as that.
Life is too short. Enjoy.
x

Chin up GB. If they want to be like that, then they aren't worth having as friends, so youve lost nothing. There is always a minority like that in every neighbourhood, Spain, Uk or wherever. Just smile at them wish them a good day and move on, it'll be the gossipers that run out of real friends.

Perfectly put, Dave.

Rosie, I like your technique. A variation is to say to people who're slagging off others behind their backs, "I'm a grown-up - I'm quite capable of making up my own mind about people, thank you very much." All sorts of people have tried to tell me all sorts of stuff about all sorts of other people - I accept none of it second-hand.

Too many sad people with too much time on there hands have nothing better to do than spread gossip about anyone and everyone. They seem to revel in complaining and gossiping.

Most of us came here to retire, get away from 'The Jones' and the rat race. We came here for a peaceful, less stressful life. We've met so many nice people and made some great friends.

Live and let live, we're all different, it makes life colourful and stops the world from becoming boring.

Hi yes i agree with Gobiker ! you have put it so well ! and idle gossip ruins people's lives !! we are so lucky to have such wonderful neighbours in Cortes John and Vicky have been so amazing ! I dont know what i would have done without their help recently they go out of their way to help people big time !!

Occasionally hear gossip but only with half an ear to be polite. Usually too busy to pay much heed and (perhaps due to the aging process ) forget what has been said very quickly.
Since coming to live in Spain, I've been fortunate to have met a number of really great folks. It's a pity that vicious gossip spoils life for people. I have to agree with the person who said "If you've got nothing good to say, say nothing".
I'll just continue to go my own way, smile and say hello and be grateful for the great folks around that help make life here so much more worthwhile than existence in the UK.
If there is anyone who wants to gossip about me please do. I will feel desperately sorry for you. You must have really boring lives.

Hi, Just read these posts and thought I just had to reply, We have friends that are being the subject of some very bad malicious gossip, They live in a little village not too far and are distraught about what is being said about them.
The problem I find with people is they are not big enough or brave enough to say things to their faces.
It seems like a majority of the expat comunity in their village are envolved in this gossip, I would have thought that us expats would stick together not maliciously spread these rumours.
I for one would agree to protect people that were being mislead and ripped off but I know for a fact that this is malicious.
My Friends are distraught surley there should be a law where they can protect their name from this but once the gossip is out and it goes from one person to the other they dont have a leg to stand on.
As Ann said too many SAD people with too much time on their hands and nothing better to talk about.
This malicious gossip can mentally ruin this couples lives but I know they are strong and will get through this,
So if your involved in this malicious gossip and reading this think before you open your mouths and please get your facts right first.

You shouldn't say anything behind someones back that you would not be willing to say to their face - you could end up in serious trouble if you do. I try to stick to that (probably don't always succeed - I am only human). It is especially true when you think you are safe saying something impolite about someone you think doesn't speak your language only to find out that they understand more than you realise. This latter point happened to an English friend who was visiting the UK, in a restaurant he overheard a German couple saying very uncomplimentary things about the English in the restaurant. What they didn't realise was that he had lived in Germany for many years and spoke fluent German - a fact he mentioned to them on his way out!

[b] How refreshing to hear like minded peoples views on the gossip mongers. I agree with all that's been said.

Five years ago I signed up to a forum to find help & advise as we were thinking about moving to Spain. The forum was a huge help with people that really wanted to offer support. A few years later the rot set in with seriously nasty & personal attacks on people, conversations that went back & forth getting nastier as they went on.

I never participated in these discussions as that's not what I'm here for, we live a little way out of the town & ex-pat urbanisations & were really glad that we do. So I never post or look on this forum anymore unless I am looking for something specific most of the time I steer clear.

We spend half our time here & half in the UK at the moment but will probably end up here fulltime. We get up in the morning to mountain views, birds singing & the sun shining what more could we want, yes the winters are cold & things wind us up here as they do in the UK but we have made some good friends & on the whole life is good, so let the gossips get on with it the less people they have as an audience fuelling their desire to make some poor souls life a misery the better. We are far to busy enjoying life to take any notice.

Well said!

How many people do you see on this group and these who are willing to stand up and be counted when they have something to say, just look at their AVATAR, they run behind none deplumes, dates of birth which do not tie up with dates quoted etc.etc. So why add wood to this fire.

Peter, my dob is a ...J.O.K.E. my love... anyone who knows me knows that!
My non de plume is my dogs name ... please don't leave your sense of humour behind.
As you say, no logs to fires eh?
Stay well.
x

Hi Peter

Jane is my real name & don't you know that it's rude to ask a lady her age [quote]

Peter -

I don't use a nom de plume, but it would be foolish to put my real date of birth on any public forum (or on Facebook). The information is too valuable to identity thieves.

I'm always ready to stand and be counted, to which many on this forum can wearily testify.

BTW, I like your new avatar - had no idea you really looked like that!

Jenny x

P.S. - hope your recovery's going smoothly.

And Peter??

you look very much like James bond!!!!

Shaken but not yet stired!!!

Col

I have seen Peter and he does look a little like James, only slightly greyer and less botox...

Yes, I've seen Peter, too, and he looks very distinguished.

What my wife and I looked like a lot of years ago

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