For the Yorkshire chaps.....

One day a Yorkshire man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.


He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.


In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes.. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh,
this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw
material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and
stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh,
that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the
island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that
if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
ductile iron, I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the
hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says. So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and treehouse.

While
the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man
can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she
says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please."


"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed.. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice"

"It's not coconut juice" winks the woman, "I have a still, how would you like a Tropical Spritz?"


Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk..
After
they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,
"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to
take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet
upstairs."


No longer questioning anything, the Bradford lad
goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made
from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge
are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.



"This
woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?" When he returns, she
greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each
strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then
beckons for him to sit down next to her.


"Tell me," she
begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here
for many months. You must have been lonely. There's something I'm
certain you feel like right now, something you've been longing for,
right?" She stares into his eyes.


He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean . . . " he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,




"You've made a chip pan?"

As a Bradford Lad my only concern is what he will cook his chips in. None of that namby-pamby oil, its got to be beef dripping or nothing !!

Aye it were grim up North, still we were poor but we were happy

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Some years ago, I ran a chip shop in Lincolnshire and I cooked in beef dripping - boy! were those fish and chips good!! x

Temptress !!

Dave, as per usual, Brilliant!!!!

Agree with Bantam, though I can't find any now. Best in Bradford at the moment are probably Green End in Clayton. He does a special in beer batter!! I'm not allowed to drink, but I manage these very nicely, thank you. :-)